Your Christmas Present

QUESTION: Dr. Remington, I understand that the Samaritan Counseling Center cannot give Christmas presents. If you could, what present would you give us?"

ANSWER: To modify your question a bit. We can offer you a Christmas present. Here it is. We..

Encourage you, as a family unit, to acknowledge that this approaching season holds the potential for beauty, love, joy, peace, togetherness; it also holds the potential for conflicts, estrangements, hard feelings, hostilities, ugliness. What will make the potential become the reality you want and deserve? Budgeting/planning. This budgeting/planning pertains particularly to money, travel, events and attitude.
Suggest that you recognize that stores are doing everything possible to entice you to purchase, purchase, purchase. Realistically, budget how much you will spend, and stick to that amount.
Ask you to consider restricting your travel. I personally plan not to travel in any way any extensive distance, and I suggest that others do not travel to visit me. It is hectic and often dangerous out there.
Invite you to sit down with your family and list all the activities in which you could be involved. Emotions will likely enter of "Shoulds.. Oughts.. Expectations.. Demands..", etc.. Say "NO!" to most of them. Carefully select the most important, and practical, activities. Abusing alcohol or illegal drugs is so contradictory to the meaning of Christmas.
Urge this attitude, which to me, is the most important part of our present to you: Have the attitude of Mary who was nearly overcome with the joy and awesomeness that, in my opinion, the clearest and most complete understanding and expression of God was coming in the tiny baby named, Jesus, Emmanuel.

All Christian churches hold special services. Select the service meaningful to you and participate.

Our present contains this simple but important message: Christmas in its deepest sense is not dictated to or contained within some figures on a calendar. The real Christmas emerges from an attitude of the mind and heart – an attitude that translates into an action of budgeting/planning for this Christmas to bring to you beauty, love, joy, peace, togetherness.

Merry Christ-mas to all of you from us.

READER: Submit questions to Ask-A-Counselor, obtain information, or make an appointment by calling 843-448-4820, Fax: 448-9875, send to the Coastal Samaritan Counseling Center, 901 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577, or log on to http://coastalsamaritan.blogspot.com.

THANKSGIVING

QUESTION: "Dr. Remington, as I sit in the waiting room of the Samaritan Counseling office I see and hear people hurting with depression, stress, grief and grieving, anxiety, marital/relationship problems, challenges with children, etc.. Is my thinking correct that these people are feeling no thankfulness?"


ANSWER: I think that your thinking is mainly incorrect. Simply because people are hurting doesn't necessarily mean that they are feeling nothing for which to be thankful. Here are just a few areas people in our offices who are hurting may be thankful -

They are thankful that when they come into our offices, they are immediately welcomed and feel important.
They are thankful that when they meet with a counselor they sense that they are fully accepted, as God fully accepts all of us, and no judgments are involved.
They are thankful because they receive hope - a hope that what brings them into counseling will be resolved.
They are thankful in realizing that clients coming for counseling are supported in prayer by many people on our staff and beyond our offices.
They are thankful because they sense in the sacredness of our counseling offices that the Presence and Power of God is right there active in the counseling sessions.
They are thankful as they begin to accept the truth that in their hurting they are in the process of becoming a more emotionally stable, spiritually solid, joyful, and fully functioning individual. They are supported in moving from thanksgiving to thanksliving.

We affirm this for all the people who honor us with their presence and trust, "With a thankful heart, I give and receive the abundance of God's good..I give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart."

READER: Submit questions to Ask-A-Counselor, obtain information, or make an appointment, by calling 843-448-4820, Fax: 448-9875, send to the Coastal Samaritan Counseling Center, 901 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577 or log on to http://coastalsamaritan.blogspot.com/

Domestic Violence

QUESTION: "Dr. Remington, here's my question, do I need to know more about abuse in relationships? My partner says awfully mean, hurtful, degrading things to me. Calls me all kinds of terrible names. There are only threats, no violence, should I be worried?"

ANSWER: "Yes!" and "Yes!" "Yes" you need more information about abuse - domestic violence; "yes" you should be worried.

There are typically four large categories in which abuse/violence may happen -

• Physical Assault: Includes shoving, pushing, restraining, hitting, slapping, or kicking.
• Sexual Assault: Any time one partner forces sexual acts, which are unwanted or declined by the other partner.
• Psychological Assault: Includes isolation from family and friends, forced financial dependence, verbal and emotional abuse, threats, intimidation, and control where the partner can go and what she/he can do.
• Attacks Against Property and Pets: Destruction of property which may include household objects or treasured objects belonging to the victim, hitting the walls, or abusing or killing beloved pets.

You, writer, are right now being abused in the above third category and are a high risk to be hurt within the first category.

Some clear suggestions/guidance:

• If you have been physically abused, call 911, the police, immediately
• If there is a danger you might be abused, immediately contact CASA (Citizens Against Spousal Abuse) 843-448-6206
• If you feel that you might, or possibly could, abuse someone, call a mental health professional now.
• If you are staying in an abusing situation and feel trapped there, reach out for available help.

The key to this article is, again, this: HELP IS AVAILABLE TO A PERSON ABUSING AND FOR THE PERSON BEING ABUSED.

Here are some alarming statistics. Statistics reflect that 95% of domestic violence victims are women, although men may also be victims. Surveys from the US and Canada indicate that domestic violence occurs in 28% of all marriages.

And here's right at home:

• On average, 3 women a month die at the hands of an abusive partner in South Carolina.
• South Carolina ranks 7th in the nation for the number of women killed by men per state.
• Approximately 35,000 reports of domestic violence are made by law enforcement every year.
• Over 4,000 women and children were sheltered from abusive partners in 2007.
• Nearly 24,000 women and children received non-residential services such as counseling, financial aid, court advocacy, medical attention and other direct aid.

Let's really note this: Domestic violence is an "equal opportunity" crime afflicting families from all walks of life without regard to age, race, financial status, or religious affiliation.

The following is important to know:

• Any type of abuse is an attack against the sacredness of all life.
• Every individual is a precious daughter or son of God. It is a flagrant violation against God to abuse or to allow oneself to be abused. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE TO ABUSE OR TO BE ABUSED. And this includes a misinterpretation of some New Testament passages that "gives" a husband the right to abuse a wife.

Women, in particular, often feel trapped in an abusing situation. There are usually many practical factors that cause them to reach this conclusion. They simply see no way to get out of a situation even when they know they must get out. This is the point where individual counseling or support group can help make difficult decisions, take what seems to be radical actions, and consider help that is available. HELP IS AVAILABLE FOR EVERYONE.

READER: Submit questions to Ask-A-Counselor to obtain information, or to make an appointment, by calling 843-448-4820 or mail to The Coastal Samaritan Counseling Center, 901 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577, Fax: 843-448-9875