Domestic Violence

QUESTION: "Dr. Remington, here's my question, do I need to know more about abuse in relationships? My partner says awfully mean, hurtful, degrading things to me. Calls me all kinds of terrible names. There are only threats, no violence, should I be worried?"

ANSWER: "Yes!" and "Yes!" "Yes" you need more information about abuse - domestic violence; "yes" you should be worried.

There are typically four large categories in which abuse/violence may happen -

• Physical Assault: Includes shoving, pushing, restraining, hitting, slapping, or kicking.
• Sexual Assault: Any time one partner forces sexual acts, which are unwanted or declined by the other partner.
• Psychological Assault: Includes isolation from family and friends, forced financial dependence, verbal and emotional abuse, threats, intimidation, and control where the partner can go and what she/he can do.
• Attacks Against Property and Pets: Destruction of property which may include household objects or treasured objects belonging to the victim, hitting the walls, or abusing or killing beloved pets.

You, writer, are right now being abused in the above third category and are a high risk to be hurt within the first category.

Some clear suggestions/guidance:

• If you have been physically abused, call 911, the police, immediately
• If there is a danger you might be abused, immediately contact CASA (Citizens Against Spousal Abuse) 843-448-6206
• If you feel that you might, or possibly could, abuse someone, call a mental health professional now.
• If you are staying in an abusing situation and feel trapped there, reach out for available help.

The key to this article is, again, this: HELP IS AVAILABLE TO A PERSON ABUSING AND FOR THE PERSON BEING ABUSED.

Here are some alarming statistics. Statistics reflect that 95% of domestic violence victims are women, although men may also be victims. Surveys from the US and Canada indicate that domestic violence occurs in 28% of all marriages.

And here's right at home:

• On average, 3 women a month die at the hands of an abusive partner in South Carolina.
• South Carolina ranks 7th in the nation for the number of women killed by men per state.
• Approximately 35,000 reports of domestic violence are made by law enforcement every year.
• Over 4,000 women and children were sheltered from abusive partners in 2007.
• Nearly 24,000 women and children received non-residential services such as counseling, financial aid, court advocacy, medical attention and other direct aid.

Let's really note this: Domestic violence is an "equal opportunity" crime afflicting families from all walks of life without regard to age, race, financial status, or religious affiliation.

The following is important to know:

• Any type of abuse is an attack against the sacredness of all life.
• Every individual is a precious daughter or son of God. It is a flagrant violation against God to abuse or to allow oneself to be abused. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE TO ABUSE OR TO BE ABUSED. And this includes a misinterpretation of some New Testament passages that "gives" a husband the right to abuse a wife.

Women, in particular, often feel trapped in an abusing situation. There are usually many practical factors that cause them to reach this conclusion. They simply see no way to get out of a situation even when they know they must get out. This is the point where individual counseling or support group can help make difficult decisions, take what seems to be radical actions, and consider help that is available. HELP IS AVAILABLE FOR EVERYONE.

READER: Submit questions to Ask-A-Counselor to obtain information, or to make an appointment, by calling 843-448-4820 or mail to The Coastal Samaritan Counseling Center, 901 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577, Fax: 843-448-9875