ISSUE: LETTING GO IS HOLDING ON

QUESTION: Dr. Remington, I was in an emotionally and physically abusing marriage for many years. I finally realized what I had to do and left my marriage. I still have thoughts of him, some of those thoughts are good thoughts. Why can't I stop thinking about him all together?

ANSWER: Your question is a very practical one and is important as we begin to step into the new year often hoping to be optimistic but nagged with thoughts from our past.

"Why can't I stop thinking about him?" is your question. I suggest the answer, "You need not do so." Let's consider, LETTING GO IS HOLDING ON.

We need to let go. Holding on to negative thoughts of our past is keeping the past current, restricting us from being in the present and from making plans for our future. We admit that there was Negativity in our past, often terrible experiences. The seeming human way is to be resentful and determined to hurt as we were hurt. That is not the spiritual and good mental health approach. We cannot change our past but we can control how we recall the past.

Our control is to let the negativity part of our past pass. Turn our negativity thoughts over to God. A truth stream flowing throughout both the Old and the New Testaments is, "You intended for this to do me harm, but God intended it for my good." God is always active on our behalf in all our situations and circumstances. If you have a big problem letting the past go, there is benefit in meeting with a professional counselor. This "letting go" of our negative past opens us to holding on to that which is present and positive.

Hold on to this: In every situation there is some good. From a divorce, for example, there may be children and grandchildren. God is consistently desiring our best. Once controlling negativity is out of the way, we are free to see our good.

Hold on to this: A marriage may end, but the dream of being married in a soul-mate relationship still exists. Dreams need not die when we focus on God's involvement with us.

In all situations and circumstances, no negative thoughts - letting go. Positive thoughts of the good involved, keeping dreams alive, and knowing that in all things God is active for our best - holding on. Romans 12:9-19 is an applicable Scripture.

READER: Submit questions to Ask-A-Counselor, obtain information, or make an appointment by calling 843-448-4820, Fax: 448-9875, send to the Coastal Samaritan Counseling Center, 901 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach, SC 29577, or log on to http://coastalsamaritan.blogspot.com.